Holy frigger doodles, where the heck did summer go?? This time next week I'll be back at Mcgill, ready to giv'r for another school year. Am i ready to turn down the suck and turn up the good???? and for anyone who does not know what that saying means, please just think about it, there is no sexual reference to that saying. so please get ur mind out of the gutter. i'm only saying this in context of THAT GUY when i said that to him.. devon his name will remain nameless haha!.. who looked at me like a deer in the headlight, or like he was some huge super fat kid who just got out of fat camp and i was big huge skittel, so obviously he took it the wrong way...creep..haha! But ya, going into my third year, with 2 1/2 more years to go.. whoa craziness!! looking back on it all, so much has changed for me in the last 2 years. well everything has changed.. i feel like i have aged 10 years.. i hope i dont look it, cuz really who wants to look 30 when they're 20??? i mean come on.. look at the people on the OC.. the kids who are in their 20s are playing teenagers with parents who are in their 30s.. like people can't possibly be that hot (HAHA MISHCA BARTON.. WHO WON THE 20 QUESTIONS GAME?!?! YA what what!) ..like a little nuck and tuck here or there has obviously helped their careers.. maybe ill be that old woman who has had so many botox injections that she can no longer show emotion..(don't worry babe.. ill be OH NATURAL for you..hehe) ohhh did anyone see that oprah where they had people on who were addicted to plastic surgery??? scary!! and ohhhhh my doctor.. her name is a matter of fact Dr. Gross, and these days she seems to be living up to her name quite well for a woman in her 70s who has obviously had work down because she constantly has the SUPRISED look on her face.. come to think of it  i think she got her eyebrows painted on.. i kid u not.. and that orange tanned look that never fades.. shes like michael jackson only in reverse.. she goes blacker every year.. but ya.. this is the train of thought that goes on in my mind...its kind of relateable to broken telephone. how the word will start out as banana and it will end up being JUMANGI! i dont know why i just wrote that word.. maybe its because i went to the zoo today..(ehehehe.. i love you..hehehe) but say it with enthusiasm.. come on u can do it.. go to a room where u are alone if you have to.. and just say it with all that u can.. JUMANGI! it puts a smile on anyone's face!  ohhhh now i know what ill be watching later on tonight... JUMANGI! hahah this can be like in Pee Wee's playhouse.. how every time someone says the word JUMANGI..just scream.. do the ever so famous Pee Wee Hermon laugh.. HAAHHAAAAAAA! it would be more effective if u could actually hear me do it.. but just use your imagination..

Ya so as i mentioned before, i went to the zoo today with my baby!!! haha yes my 6 month old baby is doing well and thanks to all those who have sent their best wishes.. HAHA KIDDING! come on can u really see me having a kid now when i probably get more excited about getting a toy in a happy meal than a 5 year old does?? but come to think of it.. i dont think that's something that's ever going to change about me.. BUT YA zoo with james!!! (pssssstt I LOVE YOU) it was awesome.. as soon as we got their it started to pour.. so of course us being the two hottest people ever who are so vain about our looks.. HAHAHAH YA RIGHT.. we hid underneathe this thingy for about 20 mintues.. but then.. we spotted them.. the ponchos with the animals on them.. that's right people.. if u think u can't get any cooler by just wearing a poncho.. think again.. try wearing one with animals on them SOOOOOOOO WICKED AWESOME! like straight from the fashion runways of chic Paris and Milan, James and I strutted our stuff in our $4 ponchos.. so ya we started out on our SAFARRRRIII!! hahaha ya big nerd right here.. it was sooooooooooo much fun! u think that the rain would get people down... NOOOO not us!! that's one of the things i love about him the most.. we can have fun no matter what ...hhehehe awwwww.. now that you're all done gagging.. the most wicked awesome animal that we saw were the orangutangs.. ok this one huge MOFO..like wow.. his name should be like mufasa.. because that sounds like a name that a huge big mofo from the jungle should have.. his face was UNREAL! and to my happiness.. there were baby animals EVERYWHERE. SOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!! their cute little faces.. even when they're relieving themselves right in front of you .. you're just like wooowwww.. it was awesome! i love going to the zoo and being able to do that with the person you love the most, MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD and knowing they're (hopefully) having as much fun as you are.. is THE BEST feeling EVER!

 I gotta say, that looking back on this summer, it was probably THE BEST summer i have ever had, all thanks to a special someone. OMG i'm going to be such a girl and gush and gush about him. And i can just see it now, if you're reading this, which you probably are, you're going to be doing that "oh god" when you say that ever so cutely and you smile embaressingly (sorry for any spelling mistakes i made in that sentence babe!)

*WARNING: if you a person who becomes queasy easily, i suggest that you should not read this, and i will not be responsible for what happens when you read about my UNDENYING LOVE hehehe* 

 James, you are the one for me.You make me laugh until my tummy is sore, you make me smile until my cheeks hurt. I lose myself in your crystal blue eyes everytime i stare right into them, and often times you may ask what I'm thinking about.. and it's just about how much i love you. You are the one that i lean on, that i share everything with, you are my strength, you are my happiness, and in just two words you are...my destiny, you have made my dreams come true because you are everything, everything my heart could ever imagine. You are my best friend, you are my man, you are THE ONE. So many memories we have made together, and will continue to make for the rest of our lives. From the first time i saw you, there was something, i couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it was just different, everything was different from anything that i have ever experience with anyone else. and i loved it. the instant connection, it was just like we were made for eachother. i know i endlessly tell you this, but i love you, and i am not embarressed for all you other people to know because who should be embarressed when they have found the person that they're going to spend the rest of their life with??? YAYA WHAT WHAT! ehehhee.. baby i love you. i could go on and on about just how utterly amazing i think you are..and you know i could!! just want u to have something u can look back and read every so often.. just so you won't ever forget.... KEEP ON THE LOOKOUT!! HA!

Have you ever looked into someone's eyes and it evokes a feeling, an emotion inside you, one that you have never felt before? That just through this instant connection as you lock with those crystal blue eyes you know that this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with? The way that you can just sit and talk for hours, just about anything under the sky, from the funny arguments about the spelling of the name "Egor" to whether or not God exists, solidifies that connection, the unspoken bond that has been built and continues to be built between the two awe-struck people. You can let loose and not be afraid of what the other might think. This is who you are and there is no holds bar. You can snort laugh at some corny jokes, or even bust out the hyeena laugh it doesn't matter, this person will love you anyways.  Not a moment goes by that you don't think about them, wondering what they are doing, contemplating if they think about you ALMOST as  much as you think about them. Daydreams become more frequent, often with this person starring in the leading role of the object of affection. The way they hold you, you never want them to let you go. The way this person so gently kisses you, the shivers that are sent down the spine. Over time you forget about how things were before you met them, and wonder how the heck did you ever get by without having them there. Whenever a smile crosses their face from either something you said or something you did that has made them happy, it is the best feeling in the world. The happiness of this person is the most important thing to you. You will do anything for them, putting their well-being ahead of your own. The moments that are shared in silence when no words are spoken, but yet so much is said, are the special times that won't be forgotten. You need this person, you want this person. The butterfly feelings never go away, the giddy giggles, and big wide smiles that appear for no reason at all, just because being with this person...is just...happiness. It's a whirlwind, it seems unreal, but soon you realize that this is what love is. All the other times you have thought that you had strong feelings for another person are all thrown out the window. This is it, this is what it feels like to find that one person, the person who you will spend the rest of your life with. You cannot put a time frame on love, you cannot say that there is no possible way that one could fall for another so fast. Love is a funny thing, it happens when you least expect it, it just creeps up on you and with just a look into their eyes, you know that you are in love....love you with all my heart James...     

so happy.. happy happy joy joy song!!! hahah i remember that from the old show "ren and stimpy" STIMMPPY YOU IIIIIDDDIOT! .. k sorry.. sidetracked..

so it's july 2nd.. dude... where the heck has summer gone?!? in just under two months i'll be back in the mo-town of montreal to giv'r for my third year, and i have a feeling it's going to be a good one! oh and thanks hiran for the pep talk yesterday HAHAHA!! and getting stuck on the roof was good times, and i still think i could have made that jump into the pool by the way! 

Life is so good right now.. i'm just soaking up every minute of it. my friends are super awesome people that i have the greatest of times with, soccer is the love of my life and i tend to express my undenying love for it when i have had a couple of drinks, i like my job and i hope they like me there too even though my work relationship with the demon lawnmowers have not improved,  it's sunny and hot almost every day "whoa did u see the sky today talk about blue!" and last and definitly not least, i met SUCH A cute sweet awesome guy! hehehe! makes me smile soooooo much! and that's number one in my books for sure.

and so the crazy antics that consume my life have kept me busy. now and then i actually get time for sleep. right now i just can't help but think about shopping...which is strange because that doesn't happen very often.. usually for the most part, i have three different times in the year when i shop and that's on my birthday, christmas, and right before i go back to school...but now.. i guess i am becoming the girly girl that my mom always wanted me to become since she tried to force me into ballet and figure skating when i was 4.. but i showed her who's boss when i had to be in a stroller during my ballet recitel because i had cast from the tip of my toes to my hip because i broke my leg wrestling with my older brothers...muahahaha! but ya  i want some new clothes.. and i need a new bathing suit... (cue the scary music...i'm slowly trying to build my self-esteem up for that particular shopping experience so trying on bathing suits won't be as traumatic) butttt ya i think the fashion conscious frenchies have started to rub off on me.. but i definitly won't be turning in my "american eagle sweatshirt and jeans look" anytime soon. sooooo comfy!

but now it's time im going to go all oprah on your asses because i have been thinking about this a lot. things have started to fall into place for me. it's just such a breath of fresh air when i look back on everything that i have been through, and with the help, love and support of all the people that i hold dear to my heart, i have been able to beat this thing and come out alive and kicking. i am just so thankful to everyone, and words will never be able to express my level of gratitude and sincerity. just know that if i ever win the lottery you all are coming to disney world. and don't poo poo disney world dudes, it seriously is the happiest place on earth and there is something for  everyone to enjoy!!! trust me!!! me and mickey are like thiiiiiiiiiisssss!! and just know that during your life when times are low, and you are in a place where you think that things can't get any worse AND THEN THEY DO, they will always get better. keep your childish enthusiasm, always be able to laugh, and hold your dreams and ambitions close to your heart to guide you through life. that's all i gotta say.. well i could say more,, but im trying to cut back. ben and jonathon made a bet with me that i would not be able to keep quiet for more than 5 minutes.. damn did i lose that bet, BUT SERIOUSLY it's because i forgot we made it so stop making fun! i do have my moments where im quiet people!!!! im a really shy person... reallllyy!!! i used to run away from the phone when i was little because i was too shy to pick it up when it rang! true story people!! but ya.. ok im done!

keep smiling!!!

my brother kyle, though i will never tell him this since his arrogance is never going to dwindle, is by far the most talented writer that i have ever known. even better than some of the books that i have read. today after downloading some more music the "low disc space" warning showed up so i had to go through my computer trying to find documents to delete.. and my computer used to be the whole families computer before we all got our own, and i found a file with my brother's documents in there.. so i was going through them being the nosy little sister that i am, reading everything from his old assignments to his poetry and rants.. and what im about to post up here is one of his rants.. about music. and i think it is something that many people can relate to.. i may just forget about my little shoulder angel telling me it's not right to post his poetry up here because that can pretty much be a window into someone's soul, but yet again, he did send me down the stairs in a zipped up suitcase when i was little... but ya.. enjoy.. 

Whether played softly in the background or played loudly in the foreground, music fills our lives, often acting as a reference point for our memories. Whether they be events, people or places, or even just they way you were, music is a part of it.

            The past can sometimes be a murky place, with a fuzzy complexion marred by the distances of time. But that feeling of nostalgia common to us all still hangs over many things. Whether we can clearly identify them or not, those feelings are there, they voice themselves in the ensuing years. We often look back on the old days, warmly or otherwise. The perfect piece of music for such an endeavour must be “In My Life” by the Beatles. It evokes imagery of the past without getting bogged down in the details, instead letting the essence of our memories wash over us. If I’m ever feeling sentimental, the words:

There are places I remember all my life,
Though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone, and some remain

always inspire that rush of sights, sounds and smells. It is because of the ambiguity that it works for all purposes.

            In keeping with the same artists, my first experience with death has become associated for me with the song “A Day in the Life”. In October 1993, my uncle died of a sudden heart attack, leaving behind a widow and four children. The first verse,  concerning the “lucky man who made the grade” has always managed to bring about feelings of loss and mourning. The narrator, who is reading about it in a newspaper, sees the death as just another part of daily life. This concept has affected the way I see the world, showing that one man’s tragedy is another’s soundbite.

            I’m sure that every child has a favourite movie. For me, it was Ghostbusters. A large part of the fascination had to do with the theme song. “Ghostbusters” by Ray Parker Jr.  has been ingrained in the mind of every child of the late eighties thanks to the Real Ghostbusters cartoon. Ask someone “Who ya gonna call?” and the answer will be obvious.

            During the early part of the 90’s, while most of the kids of my elementary school were following their older brothers’ lead and getting into grunge, I was hooked into the parody of Weird Al Yankovic. His yearly Al TV specials on Muchmusic were revelations for me. Who says music should be depressing? “Smells Like Nirvana” was the perfect antidote to all those grunge posers:

 Well, we don't sound like Madonna
Here we are now, we're Nirvana
Sing distinctly? We don't wanna
Buy our album, we're Nirvana
A garage band from Seattle
Well, it sure beats raising cattle
Yeah

            Another early musical direction came from the Beach Boys. With the benefit of my brother’s walkman and my dads 20 Golden Hits tape, I became enthralled with the harmonies and orchestrations. I can still remember a 1989 trip to Florida being tracked by repeated listenings to “Heroes and Villains”. I cold never make out any lyrics except for “heroes and villains, I’ve seen what you’ve done” but listening to it now and hearing it as the story of a man who survived intact with his family, just improves the song immensely. But I still see the landscape west of I-75 when I hear that song.

            Moving into my teen years, I followed the others into the cliché of adolescent moping, usually over a girl. In matters such as those, you won’t find anyone more ineffectual than I. “Creep” by Radiohead, serves its purpose for describing my teenage “pain”

I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so f*cking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

                Not all my musical memories are fond, though. Grade seven will forever be marred by “La Macarena.” I didn’t like it when my brother brought it back from Acapulco the year before it broke over here, and I don’t like it now. All the sheep dancing in line at the first inter-school dance at St. Matt’s in grade seven was more than enough to sour me on school dances forever. Let no more mention of that song be made, ever.

                (Seven down, three to go…) Just about everyone has a song they listen to for the summer, this past summer was marked by the alternating prominence of two Pink Floyd pieces from the album Atom Heart Mother. The first was the “Atom Heart Mother Suite”, a 25-minute collaboration with avant-garde composer Ron Geesin. The hills and valleys of that piece are beautiful counterpoints to warm summer nights in friends’ backyards. The other was “Summer ‘68”, a track bubbling with joyous energy, wonderful music but some bad lyrics.  The song seems to be about a groupie that the singer is trying to elude after they’ve “met”.  The lyrics “goodbye to you,/ Charlotte Pringle’s dew,/ I’ve had enough/ for one day” are an illustration of the largely rhythmic nature of the lyrics. Summer at its best.

                And the last goes to Bob Dylan and “Like A Rolling Stone”. In grade eleven I first discovered this song, and it changed the way I listened to music. It made me look at a song and how it affected me personally, what it says about me. Following that, Pink Floyd, The Clash, the Who etc. all became important musical forces for me. But that time I heard it on the radio, lying in bed, actually listening was a transcendental moment.

im overly exhausted.. ive been working for 21 days in a row.. well almost 21 days.. it will be on friday.. and thats from getting up no later than 5:15 am and usually going to bed at 12:30 am or later... and yaaaa.. its just been crazy.. like today for instance i was being a creep as devon would so affectionately call me driving  around on the the golf cart at 6am with one eye opened and another one closed and then switching every so often because i was so tired.. but i had sunglasses on so people couldn't really see me..AND ohhhhh i had an incident with the lawn mower the other day that would make u laugh.. ok picture this: so im cutting the greens, and im starting to feel good about myself  because u know, it's a hard, tricky job so im like awesome im finally getting the hang of this.. soo ya its really wet out on the course from the morning dew.. so im going along just about to leave the green that i just mowed, all the while singing a song to myself, probably as long as you love me, and then it happens.... i tripped and fell to my knees. now, that doesn't sound so dramatic or embaressing, but it just so happens that the lawn mower is on a clutch engine, which means it goes off on its own, so when i fell to my knees, i lost my grip on the lawn mower and BAM it takes off full speed. So im on the ground, on my hands and knees with my mouth wide open and my eyes gazing in horror as i begin to struggle to gather my spazzy body from up off the ground.. and i see the lawn mower going closer and closer.. closer to the edge of the *cue dramatic music* DAH DAH DAAAHHH...the bunker... ohhhhh shit... so im racing and racing but i just couldn't get there... and the mower goes into the sandy trap of hell. i finally gather my footing and battle with the demon mower to shut it off while it spits balls of sand up at me... and i observe the damage of the battle that i just faught and it totally ripped up the bunker.... shiiiiiiiittt.. so i quickly try and drag the huge mother ass mower out of the bunker and try to cover up the fact that i was in a place where a lawn mower should never venture.. ..and i begin on my way looking in all directions to make sure that no one saw my moment of supreme screw-up-ness... and i go off and continue to cut the next green.. then the golf carts of doom appear from the shadows of the forest that carries my supervisor.. quickly my mind begins to race as i struggle with whether or not i should just act cool or tell them what happened.. i continue to cut the green as if i am the coolest person on the planet but really i felt like i was one moment away from shitting my pants as i see off into the distance, the horrid and scary man with the bright red alcoholic cheeks, Scary Larry, glancing into the bunker where i had just fought the epic battle. He then proceeds to call over his followers that go by the names of Donald and Ron to take a look at the peculiar sight.. and then... they stare... they stare right at me.. i see their mouths move..and the looks were piercing as the flip-floppiness of my stomach becomes unbearable in nervousness.. and then i hear it.. the soft hum of an engine becoming louder and louder.. they're coming my way... THE GOLF CARTS ARE COMING!!! THE GOLF CARTS ARE COMING!!! i try to remain calm and keep my composure..

"hey uhhh becks.. i got a weird call on the radio saying that they think u took the lawn mower through the bunker.."

"uhhhhhh hehehe (nervous laugh) yaaaaa.. i was going to tell you about that.. i had a little accident with the fact that i can't stay on my own two feet for long periods of time and gravity seems to overcome me and i fall to my knees every so often"

"must be good for your boyfriends" (he really didn't say that but writing this now it was the perfect opportunity for him too.. i would have been all over that!)

"okkk accidents happen becky but just be sure u tell us next time.. we're not going to fire you for it"

"hehehe (nervous laugh) okkk ....sorry"

"no problem"

and the golf cart whizzes off.. wow i met my daily quota of screwups quite early that day..
so that was an eventful day at work.. but honestly i wouldn't want to have any other job.. ya sure it's tiring.. but my first paycheck was just about $800 after working for 2 weeks.. so it's good money.. and also one of my friends from elementry school works there. .and he and i get along really well.. all the people there are really nice..AND..haha.. one of my friends there is infamously named JIMMMMYYY! i told him the jimmy story of course!! speaking of work.. i have to get up in 5 hours.. so maybe i should head to bed! again 12:08am.. not good for the bags under my eyes..